Soon-to-be-empty-nesters
Our daughter is going to college next week. Well, in 6 days. By the time I post this, maybe she'll already
be there. Are you thinking: What, she's happy her daughter is moving
away? Well, no, but...
I am beyond excited for her, this new experience. I loved college. I wish I'd been more involved with clubs,
etc...but I had really great friends and I did lots of great stuff. My biggest regret is that I got married
during my college years (not to Nick, my wonderful husband). Probably the only reason my first husband
and I stayed married as long as we did
(about 6 years) was because we had different schedules and didn't spend much
time together. I'm going to say
this: I wish I had a dollar for every
person who told me they almost got married at 19, but didn't. Where were you all when I was making this
decision in my life?!
Okay, so I got married. I blame my father. It's kind of joke, but kind of not. My freshman year, I got financial aid (the
papers were turned in) and that greatly facilitated my going to college. For my sophomore year, my father didn't turn
in the paperwork. I couldn't afford to go back.
I took a year off. I didn't know
it was only going to be a year, but that was the goal. Fortunately, that happened. The irony is that during that year, I got
married, which allowed me, at that time, to be independent of my father's
financial information and requiring he fill out my financial aid papers. I
understand that's not the case now, so DON"T DO IT!!! That was the biggest bonus of that marriage.
That, and learning what I needed in a relationship. Starter marriages have their merits, I
guess. I'm still not recommending
it.
How did I manage to get married, you ask? Well, I had procured a job in the town my Mom
lived in (near where I grew up those 11 years), and was walking downtown. This guy literally came running up to
me. I was terrified. Turns out, he had lived in the same dorm as I
had my freshman year. I did know who he
was, but didn't know him well.
Anyway, I was such a 'babe"
in my younger years (don't laugh, I was!) I had guys chasing me down in the
streets :-) . So, he explains who he is,
we date. I can also blame my Mom for my
"runaway marriage" (shout out to "Chicago" right there). She kind insisted that we do. Why did I listen to her? To this day, I do not know . So, within a year, we were married. We obviously got an apartment and Moved in together. We lived there until we...Moved back to
college. We..Moved into a 1 bedroom
apartment. It was okay, but it was on
the bottom floor of a 3 story complex.
The people above us about drove us to distraction (well, me, because he
worked nights and wasn't ever home) with
their stomping around during all hours of the day and night. We..say it with me... Moved to a 2 bedroom on
the third floor. Okay, I must say, I am laying blame on my
father and my mother for my first marriage.
I'm usually take-ownership - of- your actions kind of person. I'm sticking with it's their fault on this
one :-)
But, I digressed. I loved college. Some of my dorm friends moved into the same complex. Other friends from the dorm still lived in town. I made friends in my classes and my jobs. My former dorm roommate lived nearby, with
her husband. His brother lived
nearby. My brother lived nearby, by
then. I had a wonderful social circle. I
enjoyed my college life immensely.
My daughter's experience should even more spectacular. She's in the honors program and that means a
special dorm. A dorm room with its own bathroom and a little kitchenette! Heaven!
Dorm cafeteria food can be as bad as advertised. At least it was back 'in
my day"! I've had occasion to eat
at the dorm at her college a couple of times, with college visits and it's
going to be a better experience, for sure.
She and I have been accumulating some of the necessities of the dorm
room. She doesn't have to get special
sheets. Many of the dorms at her college have the requirement of special sheets
(why, just why?!) It's a twin bed, just
let's be happy with that...
So, Nick and I will be Moving her up to college soon. She's not extremely far away, so that's a
huge relief to me. I won't intrude on
her life; I totally understand that there will be the time requirement to
immerse herself into college life. And
there are so many things for her to engage in, besides just her studies. Also, the friends to make. She's a friend-maker. She makes friends where ever she goes. She is a bit shy, but she's engaging and
involved, so people do gravitate toward her.
She is pretty confident in "herself", for the most part. That is also helpful. I anticipate that she'll overcome her
"being a teenage girl" sooner than most. Sooner than I did. Which, I will say, did contribute to my first
marriage. Insecurity is such a waste of energy.
I, ironically, didn't know I was as awesome as I really was. I wish I'd have embraced that sooner in my
life. But, now, as far as I know, I'm
delightful. I'm also hilarious. Just ask
me.
I don't want to find myself living vicariously through
her. But I am not even going to pretend
I'm not going to want to hear all about it.
She has agreed I can text her as I need, but she reminds me she may not
be able to respond immediately. I'm okay with that.
I'm letting go, but not going to be able to completely. Nick and I are giving her "her
wings", but will always be "her roots". I think she knows
that.
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