What will you do, now that your daughter has moved out?

Nick and I were super engaged in our daughter's activities, etc...  So, we were kind of "always there"  at the school, etc... Maybe the parent of a lot of seniors get the question, but we got it a lot:  "What will you do now that your daughter has graduated and isn't:  playing volleyball, on the dance team, running track, part of the theater group?"  Well, maybe we will go to some volleyball games.  We enjoy watching the team play.  Same for basketball (the dance team performed often at basketball games, so we went to a lot of those).  Word of advice; if your school offers a family pass, buy it.  We paid for ours within a going to a few volleyball games, dance team performances at football games. By the time basketball came around, we had probably realized our investment several times over.  

We'll go to track meets. We are definitely going to some dance competitions.  Because we love it. But, we'll also be taking some trips.  One night camping trips.  Trips to go skiing, maybe just for the day. Provided the weather cooperates. Eventually, we'd love to make some bigger trips, to see friends who don't live nearby.  High on my list of people to go see is my waterfall-jumping friend .  And some friends who don't live very far away, but it has seemed like there hasn't been time to get together.  Yes, we'll have time to do that.  We, amazingly, do have interests.  We  aren't worried about how to fill our time.   And there will be the culling, the downsizing, the prepping for the next stage, the next Move.   That will be residence 23 for me.  Twenty three is a lucky number.

And of course, she'll be coming home occasionally. Not that we imagine she'll just be hanging out with us;  she does have friends.  But, at least she'll be here. And we'll be able to visit her occasionally at college (not gonna lie, looking forward to that already).  We have joked with her that we'll just end up following her where ever she goes.  She seems a bit chagrined at that prospect.  I can't imagine why...

Nick and I are still excited about "our plan" and when we retire all the things we'll do.  We just have to keep ourselves healthy.  Mentally and physically.  We also don't plan to work until we die.  We've had some real eye-openers in that regard, and we want to have those years to really enjoy ourselves.  Not that we don't now.  We are busy people.  We love our adventures. We love to visit family.  We love little get-aways together.   We won't be retiring soon, but the light is at the end of the tunnel, for sure.  The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades. 

Soon-to-be-empty-nesters

Soon-to-be-empty-nesters

Our daughter is going to college next week.  Well, in 6 days.  By the time I post this, maybe she'll already be there.  Are you thinking:  What, she's happy her daughter is moving away?  Well, no, but...

I am beyond excited for her, this new experience.  I loved college.  I wish I'd been more involved with clubs, etc...but I had really great friends and I did lots of great stuff.  My biggest regret is that I got married during my college years (not to Nick, my wonderful husband).  Probably the only reason my first husband and  I stayed married as long as we did (about 6 years) was because we had different schedules and didn't spend much time together.  I'm going to say this:  I wish I had a dollar for every person who told me they almost got married at 19, but didn't.  Where were you all when I was making this decision in my life?! 

Okay, so I got married. I blame my father.  It's kind of joke, but kind of not.  My freshman year, I got financial aid (the papers were turned in) and that greatly facilitated my going to college.  For my sophomore year, my father didn't turn in the paperwork. I couldn't afford to go back.  I took a year off.  I didn't know it was only going to be a year, but that was the goal.  Fortunately, that happened.  The irony is that during that year, I got married, which allowed me, at that time, to be independent of my father's financial information and requiring he fill out my financial aid papers. I understand that's not the case now, so DON"T DO IT!!!  That was the biggest bonus of that marriage. That, and learning what I needed in a relationship.  Starter marriages have their merits, I guess.  I'm still not recommending it. 

How did I manage to get married, you ask?  Well, I had procured a job in the town my Mom lived in (near where I grew up those 11 years), and was walking downtown.  This guy literally came running up to me.  I was terrified.  Turns out, he had lived in the same dorm as I had my freshman year.  I did know who he was, but didn't know him well.  Anyway,  I was such a 'babe" in my younger years (don't laugh, I was!) I had guys chasing me down in the streets :-) .  So, he explains who he is, we date.  I can also blame my Mom for my "runaway marriage" (shout out to "Chicago" right there).   She kind insisted that we do.  Why did I listen to her?  To this day, I do not know .   So, within a year, we were married.  We obviously got an apartment and  Moved in together.  We lived there until we...Moved back to college.  We..Moved into a 1 bedroom apartment.  It was okay, but it was on the bottom floor of a 3 story complex.  The people above us about drove us to distraction (well, me, because he worked nights and wasn't ever home)  with their stomping around during all hours of the day and night.  We..say it with me... Moved to a 2 bedroom on the third floor.   Okay, I must say, I am laying blame on my father and my mother for my first marriage.  I'm usually take-ownership - of- your actions kind of person.  I'm sticking with it's their fault on this one :-)

But, I digressed. I loved college. Some of my dorm friends moved into the same complex. Other friends from the dorm still lived in town. I made friends in my classes and my jobs.  My former dorm roommate lived nearby, with her husband.  His brother lived nearby.  My brother lived nearby, by then.  I had a wonderful social circle. I enjoyed my college life immensely.  

My daughter's experience should even more spectacular.  She's in the honors program and that means a special dorm. A dorm room with its own bathroom and a little kitchenette!  Heaven!  Dorm cafeteria food can be as bad as advertised. At least it was back 'in my day"!  I've had occasion to eat at the dorm at her college a couple of times, with college visits and it's going to be a better experience, for sure.    She and I have been accumulating some of the necessities of the dorm room.  She doesn't have to get special sheets. Many of the dorms at her college have the requirement of special sheets (why, just why?!)  It's a twin bed, just let's be happy with that...

So, Nick and I will be Moving her up to college soon.   She's not extremely far away, so that's a huge relief to me.  I won't intrude on her life; I totally understand that there will be the time requirement to immerse herself into college life.  And there are so many things for her to engage in, besides just her studies.  Also, the friends to make.  She's a friend-maker.  She makes friends where ever she goes.  She is a bit shy, but she's engaging and involved, so people do gravitate toward her.  She is pretty confident in "herself", for the most part.  That is also helpful.  I anticipate that she'll overcome her "being a teenage girl" sooner than most. Sooner than I did.  Which, I will say, did contribute to my first marriage. Insecurity is such a waste of energy.  I, ironically, didn't know I was as awesome as I really was.  I wish I'd have embraced that sooner in my life.  But, now, as far as I know, I'm delightful. I'm also hilarious.  Just ask me.

I don't want to find myself living vicariously through her.  But I am not even going to pretend I'm not going to want to hear all about it.  She has agreed I can text her as I need, but she reminds me she may not be able to respond immediately. I'm okay with that. 

I'm letting go, but not going to be able to completely.  Nick and I are giving her "her wings", but will always be "her roots". I think she knows that. 

Not quite a Nomad

I've been toying with the idea of starting a blog for a while.  My biggest problem has been "what's my subject?  What do I have enough on to blog about?"  Well, I imagine it will morph into something different, but right now, my life is consumed with a certain topic.  So that's where I'm starting.

I'm calling it " A moving experience".  Because I move.  A lot.  Maybe not as often as some people, but I move a lot.  More than I'd like.  But, that's the reality of my life.  I counted that I have lived in 22 places in my life.  That averages a move every 2 and a half years.  Of course, the times actually vary, but that is a lot of moving.   Moving is omnipresent in my life. 

This last move was precipitated by our landlady deciding to sell our rental house.  We'd lived there for over 4 years. We planned to live there a few more.  We had a plan as to what our next move would be, and in the preparation for that, we'd cull, downsize, etc... We ended up moving basically everything, because we didn't have time sort. That will be coming now, as we settle into this new place.  But moving it all wasn't in the game plan.  And, realistically, I know, it's probably going to be years before we put our hands on some of it again.  Which is annoying.  But, we are busy people and don't have the luxury of the time to pull it out at our leisure and deal with it.  So, it will sit there, taunting us.

We have the goal that our next move will be our last move.  We have a specific plan in mind, and it will probably take us a few years to put all those pieces into place.  Already we're excited about the plan, and we do have the luxury of the time to make the plan the way we want it.  It's probably going to be pushed out longer than we originally wanted, because, darn it, we can't get our heads around moving again in the original time line. 

We moved across the street this time.  Literally, across the street.  I have talked to so many people who tell me that they've had a very similar experience. They say "it will be your hardest move".  In some ways, yes.  We hand carried or hand-trucked most of the stuff.  Carrying furniture across the street does not equal a fun time.  I had times when I had some fragile items, didn't have a good box for them, so I just walked across the street with them and put them away.  Saves on boxes, let me tell you.  We did load up cars and/or back of the pick up and drive from our old driveway to our new driveway.   One morning, at the new place, I needed jeans for work.  My dresser had not yet been moved to the new place.  We'd done laundry, there was a pile to be sorted, I was sure there must be a pair in there.  There was not.  I had to walk across the street to get clothes to wear to work that day.  Talk about a bizarre reality! 

So, in less than a month, we moved.  We couldn't get started right away in the new place, because some repairs needed to be done and the cleaning hadn't happened.  This started the down-ward stress spiral.  By the last day, I'm sure both Nick's and my stress levels were off the charts.  I had points during the move when I thought I'd never been that tired in my life.  We both still had to go to work everyday. We also had plans on some weekends that we couldn't change.  So, we did what we could.  Moving consumes your life.  At least, it does ours.  We, as a family, discussed moving a couple of summers ago.  We found a cute house, the landlords really liked us, we could have moved then (with a bit more leisure, and under our own terms), but had a big trip planned that summer.  Not only is moving time cosuming, it's expensive.  We opted to stay put, stick with the "original plan".  Hindsight is 20/20, eh?  We basically made the judgment not to move then because of its 'life consuming" aspect.  We enjoyed our vacation that summer.   We weren't exhausted.  Life was good.  Ah, the good days. 

But, we feel comfortable here, in our new home.  Yes, we have a very long way to go.  Yesterday was the first day that I could really get into the meat of putting things away.  Just the tip of the iceberg, but it's a good start.  And, as the Fates would have it, Nick was stymied in his efforts by the pickup deciding to require copious amounts of attention.  I told him it was something he needed to deal with,  unavoidable.  I know we've discussed that we have "time" to do this on our own schedule, but there are things we need to accomplish more rapidly.  None of wants to be feeling like we're still in transition for a long period. 

Do I have any sage advice about moving?  Maybe a little.  I'm not going to claim to be an expert, just a very frequent mover.  Not quite a nomad.